The Misadventures of Pickles and Puds

A reluctant, part time co-sleeper...

When Pickles was born I was adamant we would never be co-sleepers. I don't have any issue with other people doing it, but I could just never see it working for us.

Photo of Puds asleep, crushing a small cuddly toy between his legs

When Pickles was born I was adamant we would never be co-sleepers. I don't have any issue with other people doing it, but I could just never see it working for us.

Chris sleeps like the dead. If a corpse had a fever that is, he's always roasting hot, which is awesome for me in winter because I'm always cold. He's my own personal foot warmer, a job I'm sure he loves despite the protests he always makes. Anyway, I digress, my point is that Mummy and Daddy's bed is not safe for children. Daddy would over cook them, and that's only if he didn't roll over and squash them first, without knowing it.

It was all going so well. As luck would have it Pickles hated co-sleeping too. She liked to spread out and have her own space with no-one touching her, and we were blessed with a little girl who loved her sleep (feel free to hate me for my sheer dumb luck with this). As a tiny baby she also disliked taking naps while being held. She did it, but her preferred way to snooze was to be left alone on something soft and comfy, or in her Poddle Pod. I remember once when she was about four months old, watching her peacefully nap in her Pod and thinking "I am your mother, dammit! If I want a cuddle I will bloody well have a cuddle!", so I gently picked her up and laid her on my chest. She continued to snooze for another hour and half, then stirred and raised her head to look at me. She looked me straight in the eye and the expression on her face was one of pure disgust and indignation. How dare I?! How bloody dare I, her own mother, violate her in such a way as to give her a loving cuddle and some affection while she slept! I remember laughing at her face and saying out loud "yeah that's right, we snuggled!". Unfortunately all that earnt me was a furrowed brow, an angry swipe of a tiny fist, and a shout for milk.

Lucky for me she became far more affectionate as she got older. At two years old I received my first voluntary cuddle from her, and at three I got my first I love you that wasn't the result of bribery with chocolate or biscuits  (don't judge me, I was desperate). She still liked her own space to sleep though, we thought we were on to a winner.

Then she turned four. All of a sudden Mummy's room became the place to be! For a few months she slept on her mattress that we put on the floor beside our bed, and that worked well, apart from the dead arm I used to get from having to dangle over the egde of the bed to hold her hand all flippin' night long. After telling her we were giving her bedroom to Puds because she was no longer using it, she decided that having her own bed again was the best idea. We congratulated ourselves on our genius and manipulation skills, our room was our own again, celebrations all round!

Until she turned five. One night as I lay asleep in bed, all cosy and warm on that cold winter night, I was roused by the pad pad pad padding of little size 9 feet on the landing carpet. They grew closer and I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping it was just a burglar, and not Pickles coming to tell me about her weird dreams or that she had walked past the bloody bathroom to inform me that she needs a wee...sadly my worst fears were realised as I felt a draft from the duvet being whipped back, and a small hand not very gently shoving me in the shoulder and telling me to "budge up Mum!" I was unceremoniously shunted into the middle of the bed, Chris lying on his back on one side, Pickles starfished on the other. I was forced into lying on my side, poker straight, because despite wanting to be in my bed with me, Pickles still has no desire to be touched by others while asleep.

I was not ready for this! There was no preparation, no request made, no consent granted. I wasn't consulted! Had I been consulted the answer would have been an outright bugger off you little bed hog! Come the morning, Chris awoke having no clue at all that Pickles was in bed with us and thought I was just being affectionate by snuggling up so close to him while he slept. Oh how I envy him his ability to sleep through literally everything. Armageddon wouldn't even make him stir.

Turns out the unexpected co-sleeping that we now have approximately five nights out of seven, may have been our fault though...Pickles was still in her toddler bed and is way too big for it now. A new bed and mattress have been ordered and she promises me that she will stay in her own room as soon as it arrives. Yes, I'm laughing at that too.

Puds is not a fan of co-sleeping either...for now...