Food for thought...

Pickles and Puds are averagely fussy eaters. They could be a lot better, but they like a small handful of fruits and veggies enough to keep them ticking over, and for me to not worry too much that they are malnourished, despite both being made of about 80% biscuit and chocolate buttons at this point. I am also taking full advantage of their innocent and limited childhood brains to trick them into eating all kinds of healthy things that they don't know about. The amount of bullshit I have had to come up with off the top of my head has astounded me, and indeed I have never in my life felt more accomplished as a liar than after I had children.

I am often asked by family and friends what Pickles and Puds like to eat when we visit, so I thought I would write a comprehensive list of the weird and wacky food oddities my children have...

Pasta. If it is not fussili (the twisty one), spaghetti, linguini (flat spaghetti) or Pepa Pig shaped, it is not to be tolerated. Pasta bows are especially offensive and will be used for crafting projects ONLY.

Broccoli is acceptable to Pickles but not to Puds. Cauliflower is not allowed on the plates of either of them, however Pickles is quite fond of "white broccoli".

Tomatoes will only be consumed if in ketchup, pasta sauce or pizza sauce. Anything else will result in a verbal warning, and occasionally a physical one too from Puds.

Carrots will only be entertained by Pickles if they are cut into circles and boiled (honestly, I did a blind taste test with steamed and boiled carrots and she could tell the difference!), or if I steam them and then dunk them in water to trick her into thinking they have been boiled. Puds will only consume carrots in hidden veg sauces or if they are sneaked into smoothies.

Mayonnaise is not allowed to be in the presence of tuna when making a tuna sandwich. However "tuna glue" is encouraged as it tastes delicious and is necessary for sticking the tuna to the bread.

Sweetcorn may only be eaten by Puds straight from the cob. Loose sweetcorn is suspicious and shall be treated as such (think eyeing it up at close quarters, some sniffing, squishing, poking, and eventually a resounding "yuck" and swipe to the floor).

Carbonara shall be referred to as "wiggly worms and bacon" and nothing else. Any other name shall cause the food to be rejected and the maker of said food to be given a withering glare.

Apples must have their core and skin removed before being presented to Pickles. Puds does not mind how the apples are presented, but he will insist most enthusiastically that he wants one, even throw a tantrum when refused, and will then proceed to take small bites of said apple, suck out the juice and spit them out as he moves around the house, almost as if he was leaving a trail back to the kitchen Hansel and Gretel style.

Games at the dinner table are received with enthusiasm. Giving the food a personality, name and voice goes a long way to encouraging Pickles to eat more. The more I make the item of food scream, cry and beg not to be eaten, the more she has. Bonus points for ketchup "blood".

Another favourite game is to put a bite of food on Pickles fork, pretend I am going to save it for me to have later, turn my attention away for a second, then act surprised/shocked/appalled/outraged when she eats it/I discover it has mysteriously disappeared. Bonus points if I pretend to cry.

Despite being this particular over her food I once turned my back for 10 seconds in soft play when she was just over a year old, giving Pickles enough time to fish a fluffy chip from behind a cushion in the seating area and shove it in her mouth in one go, and only this evening I have witnessed her licking the metal railing along the promenade in Clacton-on-sea. Puds is partial to the odd taste of mud while I'm busy hanging the washing out in the garden. Refined, they are not. It's a working progress...