Kind hearts...

There has been a lot of talk everywhere over the past few days of Jesy Nelson's documentary where she bravely opened up about her experience with anxiety, depression, and the severe bullying and harrasment she had after winning the X Factor.

I won't go into detail about the documantary as it's widely available to watch for those who are interested, but it has prompted me to write this blog post about something I am very serious about teaching Pickles and Puds. To have a kind heart. Always.

Kindness is a quality I prize above all others. It usually costs nothing, except a little effort and time, but can make a world of difference. Thinking of the repercussions before you speak, offering assistance to someone who needs it, including others in your plans and games, or even just a friendly smile to someone who looks a little low can make them feel they aren't alone, someone cares, even if it's a stranger. Being kind  usually has a domino effect too, it encourages people to be kind themselves, to pass the kindness on.

I want to teach my children about bullying and how wrong it is. To not just stand by when they see someone being bullied. To stand up for them, be proactive, and encourage others to do the same. It often takes one brave soul to initiate a stand against a bully, and then others will find the courage to do the same. Both Chris and I were bullied during our time at school, and it is not something I ever wish my children to experience. I want to teach them to be mentally resilient. To know their worth, so that even if they do have derogatory comments aimed at them, either online or in person, they will be equiped to deal with it.

I believe having a kind heart is essential to teaching this. I always remind Pickles that the only way anyone can be ugly is to be unkind, and it's something I have always stood by. When I first meet a person, I have my first impressions of them as everyone else does, but as I get to know them, the kinder they are, the more beautiful they become in my eyes. I'm not speaking metaphorically either, for me it is a physical thing. They physically become more attractive to me. Their eyes become brighter, their smile more dazzling. They shine. And the opposite is true of those who have shown themselves to be unkind. I have met people who I have thought were very attractive on first impression, but as I saw their true colours I couldn't help but focus on more of their flaws. They stand out and become more prominent to me. I begin to see them as ugly.

I am hoping that by emphasising this to Pickles and Puds as they grow, their physical appearance will not be their main focus. Social media is so prominent now as is sharing countless photos on instagram for the approval of strangers, my children will no doubt be swept along with it at some point in the future. Hopefully I can instil in them a sense of confidence that they are far more than a pretty face, and that their actions can have far more impact on the world than just sharing a photo of themselves posing. I want to teach them to be kind to themselves. If a friend says they have had negative comments said to them our automatic reaction is usually to tell them to ignore it, that it's not true, that they are more than just what the hateful person has said. I need to teach my children to say this to themselves too, and more importantly, to believe it when they do.

I also feel I need to teach them that not everyone will like them or will want to play with them and be their friend, and that this is ok! There are currently 7.7 billion people on this little blue marble, and to expect every single one of them to like you is ridiculous. I need to teach my children that there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting to be their friend. I want them to be confident enough to accept the other person's decision and then move on from it, to not waste their time trying to convince them to change their mind. Instead I want them to remember they're still worthy of friendship, still worthy of love, and to find those who agree and do want to be their friends. And when they are finding it hard to believe in themselves, I want them to take a moment and count their blessings.

I remember when I was sixteen, my dad was driving me to my first day at my first ever weekend job. I was nervous, I've always been quite shy, although this has greatly improved with age, especially now I am in my mid thirties. I remember telling him I was worried that my colleagues wouldn't like me, that I wouldn't be good at my job, and how anxious I was about the whole thing (I was a warehouse minion in Argos, in hindsight I had bugger all to worry about! It was hardly rocket science!). He said to me that it was ok if they didn't like me. It was ok if I had a bad day. It was ok if I did everything wrong. Because at the end of the day, I would be coming home. I would coming back to a nice warm house, with a hot meal to fill me up, a comfortable bed to sleep in, and family that loved me no matter what. He listed out the names of every family member that would never stop loving me. Him, my mum, my brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. After he had finished I continued the list in my head, naming my friends that I knew would always stand by me. After this I felt calmer. Still nervous, but calmer. I just had to ride it out and I could go back to my home, go back to where the love was. It is a practice I keep to this day. Whenever I am worried about something, or things aren't going our way, I count my blessings. I count every tiny little thing and person in my life that I am grateful for. Sometimes they are big things, like my beautiful children, sometimes it's something small like my mum buying me a bag of Emily's Apple Crisps earlier that day (my favourite snack).

My point is that these are the things that help me be mentally resilient. To remind me of the love I have in my life, that helps me try to keep my heart as kind as it can be. These are the things I want to teach my children.

Know your worth. Count your blessings. Keep a kind heart. Always.